sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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