the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's rum buckets o'clock
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
