My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
