Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
