Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
