I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
