My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
