My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize