someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
