her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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