omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
