Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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