I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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