I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
