dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
