me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
