What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
