I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
