I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ketchup is God's man juice
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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