hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
