Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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