dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
