Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
