yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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