Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
