Don't make out with my wife yet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
