I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
