if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
