Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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