your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
