so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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