Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
