I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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