Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
