I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
