He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
