Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
