k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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