Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
