The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You need Xanax blowdarts
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
