How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just high enough for therapy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
