I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
