Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
