Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
