ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I faked an abortion last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
