just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
