shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
