Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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