You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
