he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
