pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize