There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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