you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
