just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
