So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
