That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
