We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
