So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
