I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize