respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
