So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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