I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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