Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
