Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
