Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
