you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
