I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
