He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
