i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
