The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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