This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
