he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
