Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
