So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
