life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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