terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
