Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
