if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
